I love the new fence Big D just got done putting up in our backyard. I get a little shy being outside and thinking people are watching me. Probably because when we were first married we had a neighbor who used to sit on his front porch all day every day, and his porch faced our house. Needless to say our yard died because I refused to do yard work with him staring at me all day.
I want my home to be a sanctuary from the outside world. I want to feel safe and not worry there is someone watching me all the time, or ever for that matter. I fear that all I've done is build a fortress around my home, all I need now is a mote. I even built a natural fortress in my front yard with trees and shrubs. I am sure I put off a vibe to all my neighbors that they are unwelcome so stay away. I need to change that.
I have often wondered why some people come off as snobbish, but they don't realize they are. Is it because they are shy? Sometimes perhaps. Is it because they really do think they are better than everyone else? Probably more often then they will admit. Or is it because they just don't know how to talk to people and they are afraid of offending them? That could be it too. Which do you think was the case for the popular princesses in high school? I'll let you decide, but I will admit I was not a princess in high school. I am sure I come off as snobbish sometimes. I wish I was more like Big D: everyone gravitates to him. He is someone everyone remembers and everyone likes. People probably ask, "Who is Big D married to? Oh yea that snobby chick. I wonder how they ever got together."
Well, that is going to change. I have set myself some goals to put myself out there. To force myself to talk to others and hopefully make a difference in their life, at least for that moment. I am climbing over my own fence, or fortress, to talk to whom ever is on the other side. Can I do it? Yes I can!
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It's interesting you view yourself this way. I remember people (especially those of the male gender) gravitating quite often to you. I should know, I was that shy girl standing next to you who found out later on (in a college English class) that my shyness did come off to many people as pride (being a snob). I've witnessed with my own eyes the same treatment toward you that you describe happening to your husband. And the same weakness you want to improve is one I always found to be a strength in you. Funny how we don't view ourselves the way people around us do; gives me hope that God will be more merciful than we are to eachother. I love him. And You!
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