Movie Review: He's Just Not That Into You

Wow, where to begin, I beyond hated this movie. If I could think of a stronger word, that I wouldn't have to repent for, I'd use it.

It was one of those movies that got progressively worse until I just couldn't take anymore and walked out.

It followed a couple different story lines with pathetic psycho women and unintelligent slimy men.

The women whined the whole movie about trying to get a man, keep a man, to call or not to call a man. Please let me stab a pencil in my ear.

The men puffed up their chests and went around like no one mattered but them, please let me take a pencil to your chest.

The one story line that just through me off my kilter was a married man who met a beautiful woman in the super market. They kept justifying why it was okay to talk (for business reasons), then to be friends (and go swimming naked), and finally to sleep together.

I just couldn't fathom why the audience was laughing at this. It made me feel creepy for watching so I had to get out of there.

I have never had a place in my life for infidelity. Too many of my loved ones have been devastated by it. I just cannot comprehend how anyone can be so selfish.

When Big D and I were first married I was terrified of him cheating on me. I figured it was only a matter of time before he got tired of being married to me and find something better. I would have vivid nightmares of him sleeping around with other women, I'd wake up so hurt and angry. And yes, I will admit I did take it out on him.

He had to reassure me, probably every day, for the first three or four years of our marriage that he was in love with me and he would do every thing in his power to not put himself in a situation that could even be misconstrued. I have since quit having nightmares, and punishing him for them.

He is such a great husband, and knows that it is still such a huge concern of mine, that he, to this day, reassures me that I am still the one for him. I know I sound insecure and needy, I probably am, but it sure feels good to hear that after thirteen years, five babies, and fifty pounds he still loves me for me.

I've seen too much pain in my life due to selfishness that I am not going to view it as entertainment. It is sad that society seems to be accepting such things as infidelity as natural human tendencies. What happened to the sanctity of marriage?

I heard a talk show host say once that all men are cheaters because men are not built to be monogamous, that is crap!!! I think he's just giving himself and every other man in this world an excuse to be selfish inconsiderate pigs.

I think I've made my stand pretty clear on this topic. I hated this movie with a white hot intensity of a thousand suns. Now I will step off my soap box, Thank you!

Legitimate Concerns

I am going to discuss a sensitive topic, breasts. I know this is a subject that may be hard for some to read about, sorry dad. But I have a legitimate concern that needs to be addressed.

I come from a family where the women, on both sides of the family, are all well endowed, so to speak. One would think that I myself would also be blessed with some melons, but this is not so. Who knows maybe it skipped a generation.

I used to be okay, a 'C' cup, which isn't bad. However, after giving birth and breast feeding my udders have continually shrank with each baby. I am now the size I was in junior high, an 'A' cup.

I will admit that my teeny tiny... well you know, have been part of the reason it has taken me so long to get back into shape. I've always had the plan that after I was done with my child birthing years I would hit the gym hard and get a semblance of my old body back. However, everyone knows that breasts are made up of mostly fat and I am afraid that when I lose my weight I will also lose what tiny speed bumps I still have.

I could be wrong, who knows, my Ta Ta's could LOOK bigger once my belly is smaller and all my fears will have been in vain. But what if I end up being flat as a board with only goose bumps to my name?

I know there are solutions for woman who want bigger bosoms. But seriously, I've hugged woman who have had implants and it's like hugging a spear, I felt I was being skewered.

I've asked Big D if it bothers him that I'm shrinking, and bless him, he lies and says No. However, I've seen the excitement in his eyes after I'd had a baby, he was in Heaven, even though they were off limits. So even though his mouth is say No now, it clearly bothers him.

I almost feel like I have the same condition as the Wicked Witch of the West; someone has poured water on my chest and now my bust is melting.

Nasty Rumors

A lady called me from my ward today and said she heard that I baby-sit a lot. This is the second lady to accuse me of this. I would like to know who is spreading these nasty rumors.

It was nice to have a legitimate excuse, "Sorry I am going back to school, I don't have the time." Someone needs to spread that rumor for me.

I doubt I am the only stay-at-home mom in my ward. It's funny that working mom's feel us stay-at-home mom's have oodles and oodles of free time to spend watching everyone else kids.

I promise that just because society portrays us as bonbon eating soap opera watching lazy bums we are not, at least most of us are not, okay at least I am not.

I guess I don't mind helping people out every once in awhile when they need a babysitter for a few hours, but every day for a few hours doesn't work for me. I have things to do and places to go. I have a hard enough time lugging around my four children let alone someone else kids.

Every since my son died I have a real hard time with babies, especially when they cry. It rips my heart out and throws me into a depression. I think on behalf of my families sanity, and my own for that matter, it is safest if I just stay away from that land mine.

So I am starting my own rumor: I eat little kids for lunch. Please spread it around:)

Disclosure: The disgruntled babysitting and carnivorism does not extend to family and close friends. I fear it would be too easy to trace back to me.

Addendum:(9/11/08) Wow, I was in a bad mood when I wrote this. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my pessimistic view on not wanting to help others as they try to better their lives. I am just such a person whose trying to better her life with going back to school and my beautiful sister-in-law, Rae, and my brother, Brook, watch my kids for me while I'm in class. I wouldn't be able to do it without them and I am extremely grateful for all they do for me.

What A First Day

My eye has not quit twitching since I woke up this morning. I made it to class on time, with time to spare. My professor is new, not only to me but to the university. He's from North Carolina and he's only been here for about nine days. He was a jester and trying to get the class to laugh, but we were all sceptical. I was sceptical for no other reason than usually when a professor is all funny and trying to make you relax with his humor, it's a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing. He draws you in and then he turns into this monsterly hard professor. So yeah go ahead and be all funny professor man, but I'm on to you.

I bought my books for this class back at the beginning of summer. I have four books for the class and I've read one and a half. Come to find out our "New" professor changed two of the four books. I was so proud of myself saving so much money ordering online only to now have to reorder more books. And then having read two of the four books, I was a bit smug thinking I was ahead of everyone else, oops I was wrong.

Big D is a little ticked at me. I am just hoping that the book I ordered for his class is the one he needs or I am a skewed duck. I definitely don't think he is going to let me order books online again.

Other than the book debacle, I think I am going to enjoy this class. It will be hard but I think I will learn a lot. I hope I can stay up beat and positive throughout the entire semester.

How Early Is Too Early?

I've been up since 6am, I've showered and my hair is done, I've changed my shirt twice, I've checked my bag and classroom number and now I'm ready to go to school. However, it is only 8:45am and my class starts at 9:30am. I know I want to go early to find a parking spot and my classroom but how early is too early?

I am so excited and nervous I can't sit still any longer so I am babbling on my blog, sorry.

It really is a beautiful day outside, the birds are chirping, a squirrel is scurrying across the fence, my kids are all out at my dad's so the house is quiet, and my dog is wondering when it's her turn for a little TLC.

All that good stuff is going on yet in my head all I can think about is, I'm going to be the oldest person in my class, is my professor going to be an self righteous ass (I've had one or two of those before), am I even going to like my class or am I going to screw up my hole academic career that I just barely started, again.

The really funny thing is none of those worries matter. Who cares if I'm the oldest in my class I'm not there to socialize and be friends with anyone. It does matter if I like my professor because it will make the semester that much harder and longer, but I will still make it through. I'm not going to let the opinion of one professor derail me from what I want to learn. I need to not go in with an attitude of, "I don't want your damn jack anyway".

Not liking the class is mute because I know I am going to love it. This is what I love doing. I just have to tell myself I am going to school to learn, not to already know every thing.

So if my head is full of these stupid worries that don't even make a difference, why can't I get them out of my head?

Oh, it's 9:03am I think I'm going to take off now! Wish me luck!

Groomer Gone Crazy

I took Kinnzi to the groomers at a big name store, which will remain anonymous. This groomer costs over$10 more than my usual groomer. The whole reason I took her to this groomer is because of the huge picture window that allows patrons to watch their dog get a hair cut. I wanted to watch and see if I would feel comfortable cutting her hair myself. Keep in mind this was the third time, in a matter of three weeks, I took her into this groomer.

The first time I took her in I couldn't find her vaccine records, so they told me to bring her in and they would call the vet when I got there and get confirmation over the phone. I got there and the vet was closed for the day, so I had to set up another appointment.

The second time I took her in the groomer started laying into me about every thing I was doing wrong with my dog: I need to brush her every day, I need to use this special comb, etc. I through me off, I wasn't expecting a lecture making me feel like I don't deserve to be a dog owner. With the groomer going off on me she failed to hear me when I stated what kind of haircut I wanted for my dog. I showed up and four hours later and she wasn't cut. I paid $36 for a bath and nail clip. I was a bit ticked because they kept her hair long when I told them I needed it short for the summer because she likes to roll around in the grass, sand, poop, and anything else she can roll in. I didn't want to have to maintain long hair wrapped in crap. So she spent four hours brushing all the snarls out of her hair when she should have just cut them all out. Needless to say I had to set up another appointment to get her cut.

The third, and final time, I took her in the groomer started in on me again about how it was my fault for not making my desires known on the type of cut on the last visit. I stepped outside and was watching through the window and she told me I couldn't watch anymore because my dog wouldn't settle down. Then after an hour of walking around the store trying to entertain Bud and Bear, my name gets called over the intercom saying my dog is done, finally. I went into the shop and she looked horrible. She had huge patches of hair that were uncut, half her face was shorter than the other half, she didn't even try to shave up and over her nose. I could not believe what I was seeing. I asked her to please fix her face. No problem she said, but I don't know what she did but she didn't fix it. I was so pissed I took her home and had to try and fix the mess she made.

On top of all that my dog was traumatised and hurt. She limped for the next week. I could not get her to play. Every time the kids tried to give her lovens she would snip at them. I don't know what that chick did but I will never ever take her back there again. I don't know if Kinnzi will ever let me take her to the groomer again. I guess if one good thing came out of this, it would be that I have more incentive to learn to cut Kinnzi's hair myself. I will save me money, not only on the grooming, but also on vet bills.

Awakening

"April Showers bring May Flowers" I have to keep reminding myself that it is not summer yet and there will be some crappy days still. As soon as we had our first beautiful day this season I was ready for it to be that way everyday. I think a lot of us feel this way. I have to reign in my excitement of gardening, long evening walks, and stooping until it gets a bit later in the season.

It is funny that not only do flowers blossom in the Spring, but also ideas and goals blossom. I have so many ideas of what I want to accomplish, outside of course. I want to take walks every night. I want to ride bikes with my kids and explore the inner streets of our beautiful city. I want to teach my children to love all the exquisite master pieces our Father in Heaven has put here for us. Along with the flowers blossoming with all their potential, I also want to blossom with mine. I know I can be a better wife, mother, and friend, and it is a new season to try.

Maybe I am more like a caged animal than a blossoming flower. I have been trapped in this house all winter, not counting all the snowmobiling trips. I feel ravenous to get out, feel the sun on my face, and interact with people. What a great time of year, it is an awakening for everyone and everything; flowers, animals, and all of us.

New Neighbors

My neighbors behind us are moving. I am starting to feel like I stick or something; I've had four sets of neighbors on both sides of us and now I'm going on my third set behind us. Am I that bad of a neighbor? The really bad thing is every time I complain about my neighbors worse ones move in.

On one side of us we had a teenage heavy metal band with a dog's skull over their mantel. They moved out and ten families moved in with hellion children who would steal my kid's toys and throw pool balls at them. I tried to keep my mouth shut and just pray for them to leave. My prayer's were answered and now we have a nice quiet single women who lives there. She works so much we hardly ever see her, it's great.

The neighbors behind us have been great. We got together and would do BBQ night every Tuesday and each of us invited different people every week. They have a daughter the same age as Buddy Boons and they play well together. These are the kinds of neighbors you pray never move, but alas the time has come for them to move on and make their mark on this world and leave me behind.

It's hard to not have a twinge of jealousy. They are embarking on a new adventure, meeting new people, seeing new places, and experiencing life through the view of new surroundings. I myself have lived in the same house for the past eight years and with the housing market the way it is now I wouldn't be able to purchase my own house again let alone one bigger.

Don't get me wrong I love my house. It is in the perfect location, it only takes us five minutes to get anywhere in town. It is an older home with character and charm, two things that are very important to me. Our backyard is our oasis, which we enjoy hosting parties in. I have a great life and a great home. I don't know why I am jealous of my neighbors. I guess I hunger for adventure. But who says my adventure can't be bike riding with my kids or hiking in the local mountains and discovering the beauty we miss everyday in our rush to have a "normal life".

It seems we are always wishing things could just settle down. We were in the early years of college and we wished we could hurry up and graduate. Well we are here now and I got to say the settled down "normal life" isn't all it's cracked up to be. I get complacent and bored, which can only lead to trouble. I search for ways to shake things up again so what did I do? I went back to school and so did Big D. Well now we are right back to thinking how great life is going to be when we are done. How ironic is that?

Everyone needs adventure in their life, but I don't necessarily think it has to come from moving. I think you can get it right in your own home. It take creativity, time, and energy, but it is possible. I am going to search out the ways to do this for my family, in the mean time I am going to wish my old neighbors luck and invite my new neighbors over for a BBQ.

It's Getting Close.

I can tell Sweeton's Birthday is getting close because I am having some erratic mood swings, my poor family. I was apologizing to Big D last night for my mood swings and telling him I just didn't know what was wrong with me. He brought up the fact that next week is Sweeton's Birthday. He said he knew I was having a hard time when I freaked out the cemetery took the stuff off Sweeton's grave. I knew it was coming because Bear has been so excited to go Birthday shopping with Grandma. I guess I was trying to focus on the positive: making it a special day for Bear. I guess I am failing if I subconsciously inflict torture upon my family. I keep thinking it will get better after the passing of another year, but it doesn't seem to. I know I will never get over it and I don't want to. However, I do want to be happy and help my kids to have a happy childhood.

Big D seems to be handling things just fine, so what's my problem? Do women just hold on to things longer than men; grudges, and death? Is it just our personalities; I am more obsessive, he's more laid back? Is Big D just stronger than I am? I am sure it is all that and probably more. I need to learn to be better.

Isn't it funny that people just don't talk about it anymore. There for awhile it was, "Oh how are you doing?" and "What happened?" or "Is there anything I can do?" but then there is nothing, like everyone just expects you to have moved on. Well if you have eyes you can see in my ballooning weight gain that I haven't moved on.

I believe there is hope. I believe I am someday going to be able to celebrate Sweeton and Bear's Birthday without the prick to my heart. I believe that someday I will be able to look at Bear and not long to see two of him. I believe that someday I will be able to take a deep breath and not feel like I am drowning. I believe that someday the grass will be green again. Who knows maybe that day will be tomorrow, it is definitely not today, it snowed.

Spring Cleaning

My sister came home for the weekend and stopped by to see me. She asked me if I'd been to the cemetery lately, her fiance is buried right behind my son. I told her I was out there just last week and she asked if I knew they were doing Spring cleaning. I did and I already cleaned off Sweeton's grave. "So you know that every thing is gone then?" she said. I didn't quite follow what she was saying and she explained they cleaned everything: wind chime, little duck, car, and shepherd's staff all gone. Well I didn't know that and I was livid. We drove over there last night but the office was closed up for the night. We drove back out this afternoon and dug through everyone sentimental objects in search for our own. I have to admit that it is a bit frigid today. We found every thing that goes on Sweeton's grave except his car. That is one of the main things I really wanted to find. Big D put that on Sweeton's grave and it's the only thing he has ever put on his grave. So it probably means more to me, that I find it, than it means to him. I am planning on going back in a few days after other people have gone through and found their stuff. Maybe they will uncover the car.

My sister found a couple things that belong on her fiance's grave. The one thing she really wanted to find was a key that was inscribed with, "You hold the key to my heart". We didn't find it but she said she is just going to get another one. I guess I could do that, buy another car, but would it mean the same if it isn't a gift from Sweeton's dad?

The cemetery employee's did warn us that they do this deep of a Spring Cleaning about every ten years when they 'stuff' gets too deep, that is really good information. I just hope I remember in ten years so I can take the stuff before they do. I know it is just stuff and it's not like Sweeton needs it, but it brings us comfort when we visit and the air is filled with the sweet music from the chimes, his twin brother plays with the car and makes the duck quack with a squeeze of it's belly. The stuff helps me feel like I am doing something for my baby that I no longer get to hold.

Spring

I love Spring, as a matter of fact I don't know anyone who doesn't love Spring. There is something fresh about the changing of seasons. It refreshes the spirit and helps life to have new meaning. Don't get me wrong I love Winter, Summer, and Autumn too. They all have their own respective auras they portray for me. I feel blessed to live in a place that gets to experience all the seasons in all their splendor. This last Winter has been the best one we've had in over a decade and although it is sad seeing it come to an end, I sure love Spring. My mood brightens as I watch the new growth bursting through the ground. I get an overwhelming sense of accomplishment when I plant my garden and I see it take shape. I love being able to kick my kids outside when they are annoying me. We get to wrap up school and look forward to all our Summer activities. There is just nothing bad about Spring.

Holiday Torture No More

My kids got a bit of a treat for St. Patrick's Day, I made them green eggs and ham with a green blueberry muffin on the side. The older three loved that mom was playing with the food for once. Bear would have nothing to do with the eggs. He picked at them and asked, "What are these?" I told him they were eggs and he said, "Where did you get them?" I had to laugh. He's still a bit too young to enjoy such a menial thing as food coloring in his food.

What fun holidays are when we are young. They seem so magical and exciting. I often wonder where all that fun loving excitement went now that I am an adult. Why can't I relax and enjoy the fun spirit of holidays anymore? Maybe it's because now I am responsible for making them memorable for my kids instead of laying back waiting to see what my mom was going to do for me. I used to love holidays like Christmas, Halloween, and Easter. Now I just see them as one more ploy to load my kids up with superfluous garbage and junk food. Whatever happened to "special occasions" Now there is a holiday every month and I am going broke, my kids expect goodies almost everyday it seems like, and I can' keep up with all the decorating I am suppose to do. Is it bad of me for wanting to skip a holiday sometimes?

I know there are no rules concerning proper holiday present giving, but the commercial industry makes it hard to ignore. Big D and I have decided that we are not going to spoil our kids with every holiday. We are going to quit torturing ourselves with debt that takes us six months to pay off. Presents aren't what celebrating is all about. We need to go back to celebrating the spirit of individual holidays. So with Easter coming up this weekend we are going to give each of our kids a new Spring outfit and that's it. We aren't going to overwhelm ourselves with making it to every Easter egg hunt in town. We aren't going to load our kids with sugar just so they can turn into little monsters. We are going to discuss the reason we celebrate Easter and we are going to enjoy all the blessings that this holiday brings to us.