Can I See You After Class

I was on my way out the door from my class today when my professor asked if he could speak to me for a moment.

Crap what did I do now!

He said he got a snotty email from someone in the class that accused him of writing my paper that he handed out to everyone on Monday.

My professor went on to ask me what my plans were for after this class. He asked me if I am tied to this area. I told him all my family is here and plus my husband is going to school at the moment so yes I was tied to this area.

Having run a newspaper before becoming a professor he said that having been around a lot of writers I can tell when someone has "it" and when someone does not. He said he believes I have "it". He said he thought I could make it in the big market if I wanted to and if I was willing to move.

Then he paid me a huge compliment. He said he is very impressed with my writing and he has enjoyed seeing me break out from the rest of the class so early in the semester.

Wow, I had to hide my huge smile so he didn't think it was going straight to my head.

He has a former student that he loves to talk about in class all the time, her name is Erin. He uses her as an example of an exemplary student that he wants us all to strive to be.

Well, he compared me to her today and said I have the potential to be that kind of student if I work hard. Wow, what a compliment.

He also said he didn't write very many recommendation letter but when it comes time he would gladly write one for me.

I am just grinning from ear to ear. However, I think he just made the class 100 times harder for me. Now I'm going to worry about letting him down and stress about if my writing is staying at the level he feels it should be.

These compliments throw me way outside my comfort zone. I have been an average student my whole life, and I'm sad to admit, I was fine with that. I have been just an average person my whole life, never the leader of the pack or trend setter. I hope I don't mess this up.

I love and have a passion for writing but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm good at it. It sure feels nice to hear that someone thinks my writing isn't too bad.

Wow, I thought I had a great day on Monday. I think this whole week has been surreal. Now I just have to keep up the hard work and show him I am worthy of his faith in me.

Blogging

I have been reading a lot about blogging lately. I figure I am so new at this I want to learn all I can about how to make mine better. Well, there is such a wealth of information out there, half of it I don't understand. Now I've learned that if I want to I can try to make money off my blog, but you really have to come up with an original idea to blog about. I don't think I am interested in that. It got me thinking about why I blog. Why do I write about my inner chattering thoughts? To tell you the truth, I don't really know. I think I am searching for someone to know that I exist, that I do have a brain, and, although boring, I do have something to contribute.

It is almost like I want a record of my journey to discovering my voice and you are my audience. You get the rare privilege of watching a uneducated writer's dream develop, emerge, and take shape. How unbelievably exciting would it be to have watched someone like Stephen King, Ernest Hemingway, or Tolstoy start out as young uneducated writers with only a dream of someday being published? I guess that is why a lot of people go back and write autobiographies, so many people ask the question of how you get to where you are.

I am not waiting until after I become published to share my experience with everyone. You get to follow me from the beginning and read how my writing gets better as I get an education. Yes, I will admit, there is going to be some boring times and yes it will be a slow process, but what an awesome process to see unfold. Wow aren't you lucky!?!

Stay-at-Home Mother's

This is the topic of my last paper for the semester. I know it sounds a bit boring, but stay-at-home mother's can be pretty cool people if you give us a chance. I never realized how much controversy there is out there concerning this one profession that has been around since Adam and Eve. I had never heard of "Mommy Wars" until I started researching my paper, but they are every where, and there are some very strong feelings on the subject. Working mom's feel like society wants to push them back into the home, undoing the entire women's rights movement. Stay-at-home mother's just want a little help and respect for choosing to raise their own kids instead of pawning the responsibility off on a stranger. I am advocating for tax breaks, or incentives, to help women get to choose if they want to stay home. It seems to me that this career choice is becoming a thing of the past. A profession that was just assumed every young woman in the 40's was going to do after having babies, is now one that some women would love to do but can't because of finances. The government gives working mothers subsidies to help them pay for day-care, I believe they should also allocate that same money to women who choose to stay home. I have heard the argument that working mothers pay taxes therefore help pay for the subsidies the government is handing out. Stay-at-home mother's don't pay taxes, because they don't have anything to pay taxes on. However, they are raising well rounded individuals who will grow up and hopefully become an asset to our society and pay taxes.

I don't know all the particulars on the arguments for and against these sort of incentives. All I do know is I wish there was a new women's movement that made it so women really do have a choice if they want to work or stay home. My mom said when she was younger all she ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home mom. After her seventeen year marriage ended she was forced to get out and provide for her six children. This is a common story for a lot of women out there. I, myself a stay-at-home mother, am always apprehensive of the day when we just can't afford to keep me home any longer and I have to enter the workforce. We make huge sacrifices to keep me home, we don't have the newest cars, or the biggest house. We live very modestly and try to be as frugal with our money as possible. We have to have grandparents help pay for piano lessons, dance, and soft ball or our children would not be able to partake in those extra curricular activities.

Just like everyone else, I want the world for my children. I want them to enjoy this short time of being kids, they will be adults for such a long time. I am trying to help my children progress into responsible adults who will some day go off and have families of their own. And I want my daughters, and future daughter-in-laws, to have the choice of staying home or working. With the cost of living going up the way it is, stay-at-home mothers may be an extinct profession before too long. We need help and we need our govenment to stand up for family values. I believe that if we have strong families we will have a strong society.

Now how do I get that point across on my paper without sounding biased? And where can I find sources to back me up? Oh, this paper is going to be a toughy.

School Truly Makes Me Happy

I know I must sound crazy but I am truly getting what I need out of school. I get adult interaction. I get feed back on my work. I get to leave my home for two hours twice a week. It makes me feel like I am doing something that is just for me. I've heard of this phenomenon happening to other people; school being fun and fulfilling. I just never thought I would be that person.

I've known for about a week now that I am going to need to write my fourth paper. I kept trying to put together a thesis in my head and on paper but nothing was working. I even started writing my paper twice, I got about half way done on both of them and just decided they weren't working for me, I wasn't feeling them. So once again I started from scratch. The sad thing is my first draft was due today so I had to have something on paper to show that I was working. Two hours before school started is when I decided third times the charm. I knew I didn't have long and I would be pushing it. So I jumped in and began. I am not going to say it is an 'A' paper right now. I am going to say it is on it's way to being one. I can't explain why this paper was working for me and the others didn't. Boy am I glad I finally found a thesis that worked.

After this I only have one paper left to write. It isn't going to be an easy one and it's worth 20% of my grade. With Spring awakening all around me it's a bit hard to concentrate. A part of me wishes they would put the hard papers at the beginning or the semester so when I get burnt out it wouldn't affect so much of my grade. But then again I got a 'C' on my first paper and I don't want that making up so much of my grade. At least this way I still have a shot at pulling another 'A'. I guess I agree with the curriculum the way it is.

Cinderella

For my fourth English paper I have to write a persuasive essay on nine different Cinderella stories. I didn't even know there was so many. It has opened my eyes to some cultures and there folklore. Like the story from Africa where a frog is her fairy god mother, so to speak, and he eats her then vomits her back up and she's all beautified, gross! The Brother's Grimm story has her step-sisters getting their eyes pecked out in revenge, very Alfred Hitchcock. Then there is the European version that has Cinderella killing her first step-mother to make way for her governess to take her spot, a bit conniving for me.

I am suppose to take an argument and make you think differently about the beloved story of Cinderella. Most people, myself being one of them until recently, only know the Disney version where sweetness and hard work prevail. In the other stories she portrays some sweetness and innocence but they are not the reason she succeeds. The story is really a very negative view on life for young women. It teaches young women that all their problems will be solved if we can marry a handsome rich prince to take us away from our reality.

My professor brought up the point that maybe we could argue Cinderella was really schizophrenic and that is why she thought the animals were talking to her. I thought maybe we could say that she was just a whiner and her step-sisters and step-mother weren't really that bad, Cinderella was just screaming out for attention.

I really don't know what stance I am going to take on my paper but I am looking forward to it. I think it is going to be fun tackling Cinderella, but I may not let my daughter's watch the movie ever again after I'm done.

Taking a Leap into the Unknown

I do not claim to be the best writer, but I love to write. I have recently been introduced to blogs, I know what your thinking, "Where has she been under a rock? Blogs have been around for years." I have become addicted to writer's blogs. I feel an intrinsic conncection with these writers. They light a fire in my soul that makes me want to explore this burning desire to be like them. To be brave enough to share my writing and to open myself up to a world of possibilities. Maybe someday I too can call myself a writer, until them I will blog.

I don't quite understand the obsession with blogging. Inviting the world to be an audience to my life doesn't sound like me. I thought that I could be a wall flower and not get involved but I now know different. I must blog. I don't really know what to blog about. Is anyone even going to want to read about my boring life? Probably not, but this is my way to reach out and see who reaches back.