How I Saw The Lord's Hand (April 2008)

4/30/08- I actually remembered to pick up my girls from school, after forgetting them every Wednesday for the past month or so. Of course then I forgot every thing I was suppose to do with the boys: play group, 30 minutes late taking Bud to school, and then I forgot his little girlfriend I was suppose to pick up. At least I remembered the girls.

4/29/08- Coming up the on ramp of the freeway my van started sputtering and loosing power. I had a huge semi cruising up behind me and a car on the opposite side so I couldn't get over out of the way of the speeding semi. At the last minute I made it over. The Lord's hand couldn't have been more obvious if he would have picked up my car and physically moved it himself.

4/28/08- After I write, in my journal, blog, or a school paper, I get this wonderful excitement that radiates all over my body. I know this is what I am suppose to be pursuing.

4/27/08- Feeling the sweet spirit at Stake Conference, even if it was fleeting as I tried to shush my kids. He allowed me to remember what his warmth feels like. That warmth refills my well and helps me make it one more week, till I can refill it again.

4/26/08- Being able to let go of past wrongs and just enjoy the peacefulness of my dad's house for the day.

4/25/08- I decided to make turkey noodle soup for dinner, I always make enough that lasts us about a week. Come to find out my neighbor and her daughter had very bad colds, so I took them over half my soup. It is so nice when things work out that way, talk about Divine inspiration.

4/24/08- I went to my last day of class and realized the course didn't kill me.

4/23/08- Watching my boys be gentle with the other kids at playgroup.

4/22/08- Spewing out the last 1500 words to complete my paper right in time for class, I think this one is going to be another 'A'.

4/21/08- Sitting in book club I got a wonderful feeling that if I work really hard, someday they will be discussing my book.

4/20/08- Working on my last, and most important paper, for my English class. Things just started coming together so smoothly, I know it wasn't all me if you know what I mean.

4/19/08- Sitting around a campfire enjoying my families company, and sense of humor. It's pretty cool knowing I have this for eternity.

4/18/08- He is helping me relax and enjoy conversation with my sister-in-law. Helping us get to know each other better and develop a deeper relationship.

4/17/08- In my husband's hard working hands. What an awesome provider he is.

4/16/08- In my prayers, last night I didn't ask or say anything I haven't said before but for some reason this time I knew the Lord was listening and he knows what is in my heart.

4/10/08- In between the light snow showers the sun escapes the strong arm of the clouds and gently kisses my cheeks.

4/9/08- Watching Bug and Beaner interact so well together along side all their friends playing at our house.

4/8/08- In the beautiful flowers my dad and step-mother sent to my family. They are so beautiful I carry them to which ever room I am going to be spending the most time in that day. The Lord is truly the most talented artist to come up with such magnificent flower.

4/7/08- I didn't sleep well but I woke up in a great mood and ready to enjoy my kids on their first day back from Grandma and Papa's.

4/6/08- The beauty in the sunset, a stream, and a special tree.

4/5/08- He touched my heart to tell me I am a good mother and wife. And that I am right where I need to be at this stage in my life. He truly knows me and loves me.

4/4/08- When my husband rescued me from the depths of my self impose pity party. He showed up right in time before I was totally engulfed in a full blown depression that would have taken weeks to dig out of.

4/3/08- I had to have my first draft paper today. I had all Spring Break to work on it and I tried to start but I didn't get far. I realized I am not writing on the right topic and that's why it's not flowing. I said a little prayer, quit being so stubborn, and I whipped out 1000 words in a couple hours.

4/2/08- Kira didn't freak out as the dentist was ripping teeth from her mouth. I think that is huge for her.

4/1/08- I got an 'A' on my paper. I so could not have done that without the Lord's help.

100 Things that Make Me Happy 26-50

50. A Healthy Free lunch on one of those days when you spend the whole day in the car, but you don't want to feed your kids fast food. It was the hospital handing out free lunches to motorists along Main St. 5/14/08
49. My Scriptures, I love to read and learn new things. The scriptures are an ever evolving entity in which I get something new every time I read them. 5/13/08
48. Good Grades, nothing beats when you've worked hard and you get recognized for it, even if you have to do a little brown nosing. After declaring myself a non-brown noser, I have learned that it really does pay off when you make other people feel good about themselves. 5/12/08
47. Weekends alone with Big D. The kids went out to my dad's and I didn't have to compete for my hubbies attention. It was the perfect Mother's Day gift. 5/11/08
46.Mother's Day, I love to think back on how my mother has influenced me in my life. There are so many sacrifices she made for me and my five brothers and sisters. I am so grateful for the wonderful example she set for me as a mother. 5/10/08
45. Trees stretching their leaves as they wake from a long rest. 5/9/08
44. Visits from my sisters, my sister, Ann, came to visit this weekend. I wish she brought Marie with her, I miss her too. I will take what I can get right now and enjoy Ann for the few days I get her. 5/5/08
43. Training Treats, it is so much fun to teach Kinnzi new tricks. She learns so fast it isn't frustrating. 5/3/08
42. Crock Pot, I love the whole thirty minutes of work, the house full of wonderful smells, and the grand finale of dinner ready to eat when everyone starts complaining of hunger pains. 5/2/08
41. Snow when you least expect it. We woke up to five inches of snow today. What a wonderful surprise. 5/1/08
40. My mini van, I said I would never drive a mini van, them my in-laws gave us there old one. When that one was on it's last leg Big D bought me a new one. Now we are having trouble with that one and it makes me realize how good I really have it. I miss my van! 4/30/08
39. 50cc motorcycle, I am not intimidated by one of those. Big D bought me a little 100 a couple years ago, but I got too nervous and wouldn't ride it. Now he bought the kids a 50 and I love riding that. Maybe next I can work my way up and get an 80. Of course the first time I wreck on the 50 it's probably going to get kicked off the 'Happy' list. 4/28/08
38. Woobies, my kids have all had a woobie (security blanket). Some are more attached to them more than others, but all the woobies seem to calm the kids down when it's time for a nap, Thank Goodness. 4/27/08
37. Watching trees bud, then stretch from it's long winter's slumber. 4/26/08
36. Pictures, I had a wonderful time looking through old pictures with the kids and reliving old memories. 4/25/08
35. Day Planner, if I didn't have one I don't think I would ever make it to any thing, forget about being on time for an event. 4/23/08
34. Dog bones that freshen breath. Holly Cow my dog has some halitosis going on. I am so glad they have dog freshening dog bones. 4/22/08
33. The warm sun streaming through my windows on nippy day. 4/21/08
32. Ponytail Holder, I love being able to pull my hair out of my face and get down to work. 4/20/08
31. Carpet Cleaner, for when Kinnzi isn't feeling well. 4/19/08
30. Remote parks surrounded by hills, we found this quiet little park nestled at the base of a hill. Not many people go there so I can relax and read a book and not have to worry about my kids running off or getting taken. It's almost like my own private park. 4/18/08
29. Brownie Points, Big D and I are trying out a new method of bribery with our kids. They earn brownie points and then they can buy toys with them. So far it is working like a dream. 4/17/08
28. Play lands in the middle of malls; We hold play group there every Wednesday and the boys love hanging out with their friends. 4/16/08
27. Heater blankets, I am not one for being cold. I know that sounds a bit strange coming from a woman whose husband is obsessed with snowmobiling. However, there is nothing better than jumping between nice warm sheets and drifting off into oblivion. 4/10/08
26. A Good Editor, just starting off in the writing world, I know I have a lot to learn. I am so grateful that I have people who are willing to read my work and give constructive feed back. Hopefully it is making me a better writer. 4/9/08

Goal #16 Don't Complain About My Calling

My calling is Nursery Leader, and it is the fourth time I've been given this calling. The first two times weren't too bad, Big D was in the nursery with me, either by calling himself or just by shear love and devotion to me. We also didn't have any kids the first two times. The third time I only had Bug so I enjoyed going in and playing with her. Well, now I have four little munchkins and I spend all week with them. Sunday is my only day to have adult conversation and to fill my spiritual well, if you will. That has been my biggest complaint but after realizing all the other callings that would be much worse than Nursery Leader I decided to be grateful for what I've been given. Plus this is my first calling since Sweeton passed away and I believe the Lord does not want to overwhelm me with too much too fast, for that I am also grateful.

After telling myself I wasn't going to complain about my calling I started seeing all the positives. I get to play with Bear and watch how he interacts with other kids. He does very well, you can definitely tell the kids who are only children. Bear is polite and does not hit or snatch. He does, however, eat his snack so quick I fear he may choke. I think that is also a sign that he is not an only child, he has to defend his food from the others.

I have loved getting to know the other kids that are between the ages of eighteen months and three years. We have some really neat little munchkins in our ward. I also love the fact that my calling is to come and play all day at church. Yeah I don't get the spiritual fulfilment that I so desperately crave, but I have discovered that I get even more fulfilment when I have personal scripture study.

What a fabulous treat it is to watch my last baby grow and spread his wings. Yes it is sad when I stop to think that I should be watching two little boys growing up. I guess that is why I stare at Bear so much, I imagine how life would be with another one of him. Wow that would definitely be a challenge! Awesome, but a challenge.

Goal # 21 Get at least a 'B' in English

I finally got my grade in English. I got a 'B+'. I know I should be exstatic, I reached my goal. So why am I crying? I am crying because I am only a point away from an 'A'. I used to laugh at people when they cried over a 'B', but now I understand how they feel. It feel like coming in second in a big race when you know how close you were to coming in first. All second place is is first looser and that is exactly how I feel right now, a looser. Boo Hoo Hoo. I am ashamed to admit my grade to everyone. I feel like I should have done better, I wanted to do better. I guess all there is left to do is work harder next semester, and set my goal at an 'A' this time. I cut myself off at the knees with this goal.

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A new development has taken place, I email my professor and told him how disappointed I was in my grade. I told him since I was unable to give him a year end evaluation that I would give it to him now. I confessed that I really liked his class and that I was glad his class was my come back class after my more than ten year hiatas.

I don't know what I thought my email would produce other than a "sorry about your bad luck" reply. However, he said he relooked at my grade and I was only .2% away from an 'A' so he gave everyone in the class a .2% boost in their grade. So I guess this is highly appropriate: I gotta 'A' I gotta 'A' I gotta 'A' Hey Hey Hey! I have a perma grin on my face and I've been dancing around the house. It's a good day.

Mother's Day

Mom, I am writing to you on this very special day
To tell you how I feel in my own loving way.

As my mind thinks back and reflects on the past
I am reminded of the times you helped me skip class.

If I arrived home with a guilty look on my face
Twenty questions was the game that always took place.

You some how knew when something wasn't right
You wouldn't let up even when I put up a fight.

You took the time to know who I was
To listen to my cares or listen just because.

I wasn't always attentive when you tried to teach me
The cooking and the sewing to make my life easy.

You tried to bend my ear about the birds and the bees
But all I would say was, "Mother, Please!"

You helped me prepare to be a mother myself
And now your legacy is shown in pictures on a shelf.

Thank you for your time, your energy, and your love
You make me a better person and I think the Lord above.

My Mother's Day poem to my mother written by me and Big D

Textbooks

I have ordered my textbooks for next semester. I am so proud of myself too. I have decided not to do math, I am putting it off as long as possible I guess. Reporting and News Writing is my class for next semester, if I can figure out all the babysitting arrangements. I have four textbooks for the class, which should cost about $300. I went on EBay and found all of them, used of course, for around $36. I am hoping beyond hope that I got the right books, but I figure if some are wrong I will still have a head start on next semester. I will have at least an inc ling of what to expect. Sometimes I am so smart it's all I can do not to heckle at my evil geniusness, and that probably isn't even a word. Ha Ha Ha now I am making up my own verbiage, what will I think of next.

I do not have my final grade yet, however, I did get an 'A' on my last paper about stay-at-home mothers. For some reason this 'A' isn't as exciting as the last one. It is over shadowed by the fact that I'm nervous about my over all grade. It really doesn't matter if I got an 'A' on my paper if I don't get an 'A' in the class. It is going to be very very close. Don't worry I will keep you apprised of the situation, you must be as nervous as I am.

Tough Times

Times are getting tough for everyone. Food is getting more expensive, gas is forcing people to find other forms of transportation (or down size their cars), and Utility bills keep going up. I would make sweet profit off my home if I sold it. However, I would have to buy a house that is smaller than this one to be able to afford it. On top of every thing going up in price, it seems like every thing we own is breaking down. Big D's breaks needed to be replaced, I just got a phone call from the mechanic on my van and he says it's going to be about $900 to fix it, our toilet won't shut off unless you giggle the handle. I could go on but I am sure I am already boring you.

Times like these I have to focus on all our blessings; we have a beautiful home, all six of us are healthy, we have an extremely tight extended family. When I feel like succumbing to my whoa's I need to focus on what keeps me afloat, the things that are important to me and my family. If we don't get to take any trips this summer, so be it. If we don't get to go out to eat, so be it (that would actually help me pass off goal # 46). If we have to start huffing it on our bikes, it will get us in shape so, so be it. Life is rough for a lot of people right now, some who have it worse than I do. If we loose our home and have to move back in with my in-laws, at least we will still be together as a family. (I put that in there for my in-laws benefit,Ha Ha. They would probably move and not give us their new address if we asked to move back in :)

I am going to square my shoulders, thank the Lord for the blessings he's seen fit to bestow upon us, and enjoy my kids. Pretty soon they are going to be moving out and trying to make their way through this world. I need to help them have the best childhood no money can buy.

Goal #35 Teach Kinnzi a New Trick

I love how fast Kinnzi learns new tricks. Although, it's funny that we get so excited about the new tricks we teach her that we make her do the new one over and over. Now every time we even say her name she does the last trick we taught her. The last trick was to play dead when we shot her with our snappy finger hand gun. The new trick is to shake hands and getting her to sit still while trying to teach her to shake was the biggest challenge. She kept rolling over on her back playing dead and then get all excited for her treat because she did so good, at playing dead. She finally figured out that play dead wasn't getting her any treats so she complied with the hand shakes. I think some times she's a little too smart for her own good, it's a good thing she is so cute.

Friends, Best Friends

I have one friends left from high school. I have others who I would count as acquaintances, but one true friend. We talk a lot by email, we both live in different states and are too cheap to use the phone. Plus we both have little kids and when we do finally get a chance to talk on the phone it is inevitably interrupted by a screaming child in need of immediate attention. So we have discovered we can talk all we want over the wonderfully innovative Internet.

She told me today that I saved her more than once in high school. I don't quite know what she was talking about, but I had to laugh because it was her who did all the saving. Let me back up a bit, in junior high I wasn't not the most sane person. I was rebelling, shall we say, as a lot of kids do at that age of discovery. I experimented with smoking and drinking. I dated some questionable young men with less than stellar reputations. All of these acts of rebellion awarded me with a not so shiny reputation.

Well, I decided I wanted to change my ways and start living my religion, so I dumped all my friends and became a self imposed loner. I can't really say how C and I became friends because she had her own group of friends. I don't know if she took pity on my sitting at the foot of my locker coloring in my favorite Snow White coloring book. I know it sounds like I was in elementary, but no. She started coloring with me and inviting me to do stuff with her and her friends. Eventually it was just me and her doing stuff all the time.

C, my friend, didn't have to take pity on me, she could have stuck her nose at me because I was not worthy to be her friend, and I mean that in the literal sense. C comes from a religious family. She's always known what is right, and what is wrong. She didn't have to go through the rebellious years, and experiment to find out who she was and what she wanted to be. All I could have done at that point is drag her down. I am sure her mother wasn't too happy with me hanging around her daughter.

However, a funny thing happened, she raised the status of my reputation rather than me pulling hers down. She set a good example for me and showed me how to live the life style I wanted to live. She helped me to realize I didn't need to be friends with everyone to be important, I just needed to be a good friend to one person to be important. I don't really know what she meant by me "saving" her in high school, but I do believe she got it all wrong, she saved me.

Have you ever had someone like that in your life? Someone who saved you!

April Showers bring May... What?

What a wonderful treat to wake up the first day of May and have five inches of snow covering my flowers. I bet there were a lot of grumbles this morning from people traveling to work and school. It was not my day for car pool so I am peachy. Bud and Bear wanted to get all suited up as soon as they saw the snow, of course I had to dig all their winter cloths out of storage. I wasn't expecting to need them again this season. I've been watching the boys out my window. They are trying to jump on the snow covered trampoline, I think they are sliding more than jumping.

I love the changing of the seasons. It is a bit difficult when I am excited for Summer and Spring is cold and cloudy. Or if I am excited for Winter and Fall is windy and freezing, but no snow. Every season has such wonderful surprises that I just can't help looking forward to each one. And when I get to witness my kids enjoying those little surprises, it is a bonus for me.